Discussing debatable matters: Open ended questions to learn about without offending!

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By Martin Paul


Regardless of whether you are in a classroom or at a party, an interesting discussion could end abruptly, with hurt or perhaps offended parties and no one wiser for the change. Even if you might be genuinely curious to know and also study alternative viewpoints, you have to first build the ability of asking open ended questions. You can frequently find these on Bibles like Bibles for Children.

Well meaning people can destroy anyone's chances of being familiar with a subject of social controversy, simply because they are lacking this competence. Good and careful use of rhetoric, in addition to an open ended question technique, can open the door to a lively as well as in depth debate where everyone gains.

As an example, let's imagine you're in a party, anxious to meet new and even interesting persons. Controversial subjects are often, on some degree, delicate in nature. You have family members in the breakaway state of Russia and thus have different views of the reality of the current Russian presence. You start a dialogue with a history professor with the this remark. "I think it's just terrible how the Russians sent soldiers into Georgia, harming innocent people! What is your opinion?"

If you don't know the bias or statements of that professor, you have put your foot in your mouth. You have started the discussion by proclaiming your opinion up-front. What if that professor is a Russian immigrant, having strong reactions on the Russian position? You've basically divested yourself of learning some valuable historical information that might shed some light on the scenario. Once this knowledgeable person gets offended, the discussion could be brief and uninformative.

Yet, provided the similar scenario, posing an open ended question doesn't imply conflict or prejudice on your part. You might ask, "You are a history professor and I am curious to understand more about the matter in the Georgian conflict. What is behind this?"

This alternative method doesn't express your position, except one of ignorance. Even though the professor could have a bias, she or he will not perceive you as an opponent and will be flattered that you value the things they already know. It's immaterial whether this individual concurs with you. Your target is to learn what they think and also know, how they arrived at their conclusions and become more informed in the process.

An additional illustration of the open ended question, utilized in a strictly social context might concern a controversial movie. "Have you watched Michael Moore's 'Sicko'? I think that guy's a nut and disgracefully unpatriotic, don't you?" You've expressed your point, leaving the person you are questioning in a likely awkward lurch. Not everybody of the opposite mindset is going to be rude sufficient enough to tell you off. Another loss to your account!

What about, "Have you seen 'Sicko'? I'm having thoughts regarding his view on the health care situation. It's getting a lot of press." These examples on the use of open ended questions can be a bit heavy handed, but intentionally so. You can see the value of learning, without offending.




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